No Shame in Being the Sorry Party

If in your eyes America can do no wrong, you should really look into Lasik surgery. Theres the rational, mature assessment of our country: that its a great nation — especially if you like fried foods — but it also has its faults. And then theres the Republican view: that its perfect and pure in every way and its always right all the time, just like Leviticus and Ronald Reagan.

If the founders were alive today, Republicans would be giving them shit because the Preamble to the Constitution says, “In order to form a more perfect union? Hello, its already perfect! Why are you suggesting American apologetics, Ben Franklin?”

One of the things that makes Republicans furious about our current president is their idea that Obama is always apologizing for Americas biggest mistakes. Unlike President Bush. Who was one of Americas biggest mistakes.

In his first week as president, Obama did an interview with Arab TV in which he said, “We sometimes make mistakes. We have not been perfect.” Thought crime! And then he went to Cairo and violated one of those absolute eternal rules the Right Wing is always making up out of thin air: “The president must never apologize on foreign soil. Lest our allies begin to doubt that were assholes. ”

But what did Obama actually say to make Karl Roves head explode and the popcorn fly out? Cover your childrens ears: When he was asked if he believed in American exceptionalism, he said he did, the same way “the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks in Greek exceptionalism.” Yes, our so-called president actually said people in other countries might like their countries better. I was so shocked I nearly dropped the Bible I was using to help me masturbate into my gun.

Bill Maher | Huffington Post