Satan Sets the Record Straight

Goldman Sachs’ Chief Executive Lloyd Blankfein’s comment that bankers are doing “God’s work” came under fire today from one of the longest-standing allies of the firm, Satan, the Prince of Darkness.

In a rare press conference, the usually reclusive Beelzebub blasted Mr. Blankfein for his remark, telling reporters, “Lloyd Blankfein needs to remember who he works for.”

Wearing his trademark red cape and carrying a smoking pitchfork, Satan refused to say exactly what if any punishment he had in mind for the Goldman Sachs chief, saying only, “Maybe it’s time for Lloyd Blankfein to have a little ‘come to Satan’ meeting.”

While Satan said he was “delighted” by the record bonuses being paid out to Wall Street executives this year, he was clearly miffed that his role in the financial firms’ successes had been largely ignored.

“Lloyd Blankfein seems to have forgotten who came up with the idea of credit default swaps, derivatives, and mortgage-backed securities,” he said. “I don’t want to sound like a diva, but how about a little respect for the guy who signs your paycheck?”

Andy Borowitz | HuffPost